you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
