party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize