When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
