you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize