I CAN MOONWALK!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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