Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
