I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
