the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You took a bar mat shot.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
