eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
