She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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