we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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