i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
