the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
