i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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