he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
