Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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