It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
