I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
