At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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