I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
