You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize