it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it because I queefed?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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