I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
