i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
