When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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