why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
