my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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