she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
