She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
