Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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