Yo dont text me then not text me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
