If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i drank out of a bidet.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
