Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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