recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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