There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
