i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
