guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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