Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
