I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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