How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
