the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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