Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
