If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
