Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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