i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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