I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
