you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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