Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
