Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
