I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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