just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
