I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
