ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize