sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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