so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
