It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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