Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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