hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
