just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
