So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
