Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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