I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
