he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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