Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
