You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
