so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize