Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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