He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
