I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
