I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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