Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
