Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
