he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
