I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
