THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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