Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
