Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
