that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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