hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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