I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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