he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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