She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
