R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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