Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
