Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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