Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
