I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
