i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
