Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
