Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
