Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize