sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
