I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
