I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
