you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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