i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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