College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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