how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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