who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You're like the curious george of whores
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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