belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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