thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I checked into jail on foursquare
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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