i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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