New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
