he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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