my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
