I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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